WHY do others seem to have the Midas touch in getting what they want? What could be their secret?
It all lies in understanding what others want first. You might say, “That’s a too-good-to-be-true kind of person.” He is, but hey, we might as well be, too.
“To get what you want, it would be good to know what others want.” I heard this in an episode of TED Talks.
Take James, my colleague’s son, who loves to play video games. However, his mother limits his playtime. To get James to do his homework, among other things, his mother gives him a 30-minute video game time. Did James do it? Did it work? You bet! And he has been constantly doing his homework.
In the workplace, a recognition or awards system complements regular performance assessments. A former colleague used to give chocolates for every successful loan referral. Simple but elicited the expected results. It created a healthy competitive environment.
Bribery? No, this is a modern application of B.F. Skinner’s operant conditioning—a form of positive reinforcement. Rewards encourage or reinforce a positive outcome. Sometimes, a pat on the back is all it takes for people to act, and it doesn't cost a thing but goes a long way.
Understanding what others want is the key. Be empathetic and understand generational behavioral characteristics to know what the other wants.
Take, for instance, this generation’s love for coffee shops that are Instagram-worthy and provide a unique customer experience. To encourage sales referrals, you reward them with gift certificates from hip third-wave coffee shops. Third-wave coffee is in demand because it sells an experience.
Knowing what others want is not limited to Skinner’s theory. Let's not limit ourselves to rewards. To understand what your colleagues, friends, and family want, be an active listener, observe their body language, and always ask open-ended questions for an engaging discussion. Yes or no questions are conversation killers.
Active listening is crucial. You might be physically listening, but your mind is elsewhere. Active listening is the foundation of a good conversation. In a classic scene, you and your best friend are sipping coffee at a chic coffee shop and chatting about everything under the sun. The next thing you know, it’s cocktail hour.
So readers, the next time you want to get things done, know what the other wants first. It might be the key to unlocking your success.
