"IT came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. Maybe Christmas. He thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps, means a little bit more". - The Grinch
A teacher and a close friend of mine had this conversation more than 15 years ago at her office. While having a conversation with her, she did mention about Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch stole Christmas starting Jim Carry. In a spiritual question, she asked, "Angie, if I were to ask you, where is Christmas to you? I know it is difficult for you to answer after what you've been through." I responded in a calm manner. “Where are you Christmas?,” is a simple but profound and especially meaningful song. It begins with sadness but gradually transitions to a message of hope, with the words, "If there is love in your heart and mind, you will feel like Christmas all the time. Am I right, Ms. Tish?"
She replied, "I know you, dear. You are an intelligent girl and the sweetest bookworm. I love you, dear, but I do not feel the Christmas spirit coming from your heart. I understand, but you will eventually discover it within yourself." I smiled at her and didn't say any word.Those were my last conversations with her before she died on December 2011.
December is the month where people feel the spirit of Christmas, whether boys, girls, young, or old, it is like the festive of bonding or bringing Christian families together as God as the center of their lives. I remember my days as a kid in the humid summer heat of April playing Christmas music and singing along. I definitely got more than a few weird looks, but there was just something about the joy and love surrounding the season that I wished it could be every day. Truthfully, I never really grew out of that phase — you can still find me playing Christmas music in April — but it means something different now.
As kids, we maintain the Christmas spirit by keeping our hearts ablaze with anticipation and hope. My brothers and I write letters and hang them on the tree, I make non-bake cookies out of graham crackers and condensed milk, we try to stay on Santa's nice list (I am usually the naughty one among the three), and we stay up as late as we can on Christmas Eve before falling asleep to a world of Winter Wonderland. It was a perfect Christmas that I ever had.
However, as years passed, my perspective on Christmas shifts due to events I witnessed as a child. Memories of a small child's dream were shattered one by one. It has gotten to the point where I no longer enjoy Christmas because of traumatic experiences I had as a child, and the most recent assault I experienced two years ago occurred two days before Christmas, and I nearly died.
I recently heard the song "Where Are You, Christmas?" by Faith Hill. My 12-year-old son played it on Smart TV in the living room. I paused while listening to the lyrics of a song I have heard many times.
Where is the laughter // You used to bring me // Why can't I hear music play // My world is changing // I'm rearranging // Does that mean Christmas changes too?”
After I heard of the song. I asked the kids to play outside with Luna while I went to the room to reflect and remembered what my teacher told me. I just look at the window seeing my kids play together along with Luna, our pet cat. While I was reflecting, I kept asking what keeps the spirit of Christmas alive as we grow older? Today, we prioritize relationships and connections with others over material gifts. We need stability and support. We need love. We need Christmas to mean more. That's what I've thought.
In that moment, sitting down with a pen and paper while staring at the laptop playing "Where are you Christmas", I couldn’t help but wonder how it would change the meaning of the song if the word “Christmas” was replaced with “Jesus,” like how the meaning of Christmas changes when we remember who it’s all about.
Where are you Jesus? // Jesus is here // Everywhere, oh // Jesus is here // If you care, oh // If there is love in your heart and your mind // You will feel like Jesus all the time // Oh, I feel you Jesus // I know I've found you // You never fade away, oh”
Every time I start singing this song, I know the sadness in the first few lines is leading up to an invitation. On Christmas, we received the greatest gift of all: Jesus. He is the perfect embodiment of love, which heals broken hearts, seeks out the lost, provides second chances, and inspires hope.
Jesus walked alongside people like us, sharing in our hurt and pain. Everything changed after He chose us. Mary and Joseph were anticipating Him—Immanuel, God with us—who would make every day feel like Christmas as they crossed that desolate desert to Bethlehem. I doubt they were dreaming of the day we celebrate their son every year with presents and decorations.
For that on, while I am still healing from my trauma, the darkness I felt within years shed a light of hope, the hope I was longing for for years I haven't felt Christmas in a long time. I saw Jesus' hand and hold his hand and walk by his side. I paused for a bit and looked back. I couldn't believe I survive all these years and I didn't even see it. He answered, I was always within, I knocked on your door and finally you open you door to me. I never left you I witness everything you have experience, good or bad, you never gave up life. Now, you open your door to me, keep moving because I will be there every step of the way.
Then, I woke up. My eyes were in tears while I was asleep. Right now, I starting to realize that despite of everything, Jesus never left me afterall. I may see Christmas differently, he knows, eventually, I will embrace it all heartly like how my inner child used to love Christmas.
As we celebrate Christmas, let us spread the joy and love of Jesus that endures in our hearts long after the holiday is over. Because, "Jesus' joy remains within us."
And when we decide to remember the best gift he ever gave us, we can "fill each and every heart with love."
