COLUMNISTS like me are like flies on the wall. They listen even if they don’t appear to be listening. In one of those moments, a guy happened to be nearby and he was talking with his beloved over the phone which was on speaker mode. Their convo, spoken in the dialect, went smoothly at first as they discussed dinner and what she’s cooking. Until she told him she has to stop talking on the phone because she’s busy. That’s when the convo turned ugly.
Guy: Are you with someone?
Girl: No! I’m cooking dinner!
Guy: Who is he?
Girl: What do you mean?
Guy: The guy you’re with, who is he?
Girl: You’re crazy. I’m home alone, cooking dinner.
Guy: Why do you want to end this call then?
And so on and so forth.
This convo may sound so familiar to other women whose partners are as insecure as this guy. It starts with this kind of phone calls, and will escalate to emotional abuse which will then escalate to physical abuse, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. If she can’t immediately answer her phone on the first ring, he begins to suspect she’s with some other man.
And then she will be afraid to end the relationship because he may react violently to her attempts to end it.
Welcome to the world of men who woo women with sweet nothings and once the woman says yes, he treats her like a queen, until he doesn’t.
How to know if a man is an abuser? Will there be signs? The first sign could be that he always comments on how she looks like: her weight, her hair, her clothes. And then he always wants to know where she’s going, who she’s with. The girlfriend may see this as sweet: he cares so much! But after weeks and months of comments and queries that resemble audits, her world begins to revolve around him and what he wants from her, giving her no freedom to be who she is.
It may be easier to leave the guy if they’re not married yet. But if they’re married here in Pinas where there’s no divorce, patience and tolerance become her virtues.
Imagine waking up to emotional and physical abuse, and sleeping with that guy every night.
That’s why choosing a life partner can be the most important decision a woman will ever make.
I remember seeing a couple who were so sweet with each other, prompting a male friend to say, “Magbulag ra gihapon mo!” Which I hope the couple didn’t hear.
Ampalaya much? Hmmm. No. My friend, who has been there, done that, was simply being realistic on how a relationship can turn ugly if the universe is not rooting for it.
People marry not always for love. They may marry for money, power, connections, yup, like their reasons for joining an organization. Lucky are those who marry for love because “Bisa’g saging, basta loving”? Only if that saging is a banana plantation.
