THERE I was, sipping coffee at a roadside café — stilettos crossed, espresso hot, judgment warmer — when I stumbled upon a post from a friend who’d just survived another run-in with an LTO-defiant driver. His post read like a public service announcement, with just the right amount of rage:
“Those of us who’ve had cars for decades, we follow traffic rules. It’s the newbies — the ones who just got their first ride — who argue with enforcers like they have law degrees from the University of TikTok.”
I laughed, as one does when someone else puts it perfectly. Then I replied, half-joking, half-sipping:
“Ah, the nouveau riche of the road. Down payment today, delusions of sovereignty tomorrow.”
That's when it hit me — or it was just another SUV brushing past the curb like it owned the café. Either way, I realized: people don’t just drive cars. They become them.
So, I paused my coffee (briefly), pulled out my notes app (obviously), and started profiling — not people, but their wheels. Call it traffic psychology or café sociology. Either way, here’s what I’ve observed. If you feel hit, it’s deserved.
The Big SUV Ego Parade
Usually black, always tinted. You don’t drive this car — you descend from it. It takes up two parking slots, as if it’s entitled to more space and less shame.
Self-image: King of the Road
Reality: Monarch of Misinformation
Mood: ‘I pay taxes; therefore, I own Plaza Divisoria.’
The Pick-Up Peacocks
Loud. Proud. Overcompensating. Cargo bed? Empty. Ego? Fully loaded. Always parked in front of bakeries with hazard lights blinking like an emergency spelled “ensaymada.”
Self-image: Alpha, savior of the stranded
Reality: Emotional support driver with attachment issues
Favorite phrase: ‘Kadali lang, bai.’ (Spoiler: it’s never kadali.)
The Sports Car Sirens
Revving even in traffic. Circling Limketkai as if they’re in Monaco. It’s less about speed and more about being seen.
Self-image: Sexy, mysterious, irresistible
Reality: Looks fast, cries over fuel prices
Fuel of choice: Compliments and unleaded
The Sedans Who Still Follow Rules
Safe. Sensible. Often mocked for being too polite. Signals. Stops. Doesn’t steal parking spots. Probably still says “Excuse me” when someone cuts them off.
Self-image: Responsible citizen
Reality: Designated driver of the nation
Mood: “Go ahead. I’ll pray for you.”
The Van Clan
Five kids inside and emotionally prepared for chaos. Tissue? Check. Biscuits? Check. That one plastic container that’s always rolling under the seat? Also check.
Self-image: Logistics expert with caffeine
Reality: Mom, Tita, or Tito who knows how to parallel park in one try
Playlist: A rotating loop of Encanto and Frozen, with matching hand motions
The Motorcycle Mythos
Slips through traffic like gossip. Defies physics and red lights. Riders range from delivery gods to thrill-seeking titos in slippers.
Self-image: Street ninja
Reality: One foot away from glory — or the gutter
Catchphrase: ‘Boss, singit lang ha.’
The Scooter Idealists
They want to save the planet — and their Grab fare — one risky ride at a time. Always between lanes, one bump away from regret.
Self-image: Eco warrior
Reality: Living on the edge (literally)
Mood: “It’s giving Greta, but also mild scoliosis.”
We judge people by their coffee orders and emojis. Why not add their ride to the list? Vehicles don’t just take you places — they’re personality test results on wheels — complete with blinkers no one uses and confidence no one earned.
So, the next time someone swerves without warning or parks like their car is allergic to lines, remember it’s less about the vehicle. It’s about the character behind the wheel.
And if you catch me at a roadside café — espresso in hand, stilettos on — know I’m not just watching traffic. I’m watching people. And yes, I’m taking notes.
Got your steer-otype to share? Add it to the list. After all, this is just a pit stop — the real journey happens in the comments.
_o0o_
Still brewing thoughts — no sugarcoating, just stories steeped in truth.
