By Nora Soriño
ILIGAN City -- Not all kings are happy, in my opinion. And I think you too think so, dear readers. This, in spite of the enormous wealth, power, and influence they wield. They’re just mere mortals like you and me. I even read somewhere that they’re like under some “sword” always — the “Sword of Damocles,” so to speak.
But for this King of Kings whose birthday we are marking these days, we don’t know if he was happy or not; he was just a babe. It’s us who are happy. Or at least pretend to be these days. What with all those parties, but sometimes, they’re “parting laaya,” (sigh).
Now, this king I’m talking about was sad. His thoughtful subjects then thought of shaking him out of it.
This was the premise of our Christmas presentation in a department of a government office some years ago.
There will be “fanners,” his subjects decided.
It was an easy job. So I applied to Rito, the self-appointed director of the presentation as among the “fanners.”
“But you can do more than just fanning,” Rito objected. I had an idea then what kind of “fanner” should I be— a rich or a poor fanner? A poor one sways the fan vigorously traveling from left to right in a distance of about a kilometer from left to right. And a kilometer from right to left.
The rich one just takes it easy — a slight movement of the fan from left to right, vice versa.
Rito said, “You’ll be a dancer, just like them.” He pointed to a group which he had assembled fast. They were smiling and gestured to me to join them. So I left the group of fanners who were now fanning vigorously the king who was seated at the center. As if their very lives depended on their fanning. There was too the “prince” or the king’s son who looked neither happy nor sad, sitting near the papa king. Rito gestured for the king to have a hand support his face. King then looked sadder than ever.
What was the point of this presentation? I thought. Nobody was telling.
There were other “entertainers” groups too.
Came presentation night. King was sitting now in all his kingly splendor, his prince beside him, the king with all the sadness etched in his face and his action. Ah, I mean inaction.
The fanners decided to be all “poor” I saw as they were fanning vigorously, a kilometer to the left and vice versa. But the king was still sad, his eyes even unblinking.
Then came we, the dancers — two sways to the right, two bumps to the left. We also swayed forward and backward with all the “gracefulness” we could muster. On second thought, maybe the right word was “craziness” instead of “gracefulness.” That is, to the sound of course to some splendid and happy music.
This dancing was “wa epek” to king still. We then made a no grand exit. So, enter another group dressed in shimmering attires rivaling almost that of the king.
“Be my Lady/ Come to me and take my hand and be my Lady/ Truly I must let you know/ that I’m in love with you...”
Through all this, one of the fanners stood up after stopping her fanning and went nearer the sad king and posed before him in some seductive manner. Was the king a widower? Even as the singer continued his “Lady” song a La Martin Nievera.
But nothing doing. No effect still. So exit the singer while the woman went back to being just a fanner.
Another singer sang “Moonlight Lady” a la Julio Iglesias. Another fanner of a lady gave the king a seductive pose. “Moonlight Lady/ Come along with me/ To the bright city lights/Its all right coz the night’s on me...”
No effect on the king still.
Another singer came forward to sing another “Lady” song. This time it was Kenny Roger’s “Lady.” Lady, I’m your Knight in shining armor and I love you/ You have made me what I am/ And I am yours...”
This was complete with a phlegmatic effect that to me characterizes Kenny style. Even as another fanner of a lady came forward, seductively for the king’s happiness.
Ah, no effect still.
So another group entered. One was carrying a tray of luscious-looking bananas. The others in the group sang: “Guavas are ripe/ Guavas are ripe/ The mayas sang one day...”
What? Never mind if the fruits offered and the song did not jibe?
The more the king did not like it! He even made some hand gesture of dislike. So the “guava” singers and the banana fruits bearer exited from the king’s view hurriedly. This king really is very hard to please. Maybe especially that the group did not get their act together.
Here comes another entertainer. This time he came in solo. He looked big, brave and courageous. He was carrying a covered tray. The guy then walked confidently towards the still sad looking king to the sound effects of the furious beating of drums.
Then the drums stopped. The big man then uncovered the tray. When the king saw what was in it, his face suddenly lit up.
On it was a toilet paper. I mean papers as there were— not one, but two rolls.
The king suddenly stood up, the smile never leaving his face as he grabbed the rolls with his hands as he walked briskly and happily to — ah, we know where he was going. Farting is such sweet — oh, but this is more than just farting for the king, haha ha.
I heard a voice from among the laughing audience saying, “how corny, but puede na rin.”
Now, what’s the moral lesson here?
Many times, even very simple things can make one happy. Merry Christmas!
