“Ding, ang Bato!”

Levelling up from keto to carnivore has been making me crave carbs, most probably because of this Realization 101: “OMG, absolutely no carbs! Not even keto and sugar-free goodies!” I panicked.

And the recent carbo-loading resulted in sneezing and a runny nose, which progressed to a cough. But since I felt like I was Darna or even Captain Marvel, I continued living life as usual in the first week and gave my body no time to rest. It was only in the second week that I finally stayed home. Whew. Definitely a hard lesson learned.

If only I were indeed Darna, and could command this: “Ding, ang Bato!” Er, “…ang bato!” All that power helping me heal.

Oh. Perhaps Ding does know where Sen. Bato dela Rosa is.

Many months ago, I was lining up at an SM City CDO Uptown SM Store cashier, the one on the Watsons side, when a group of men passed by and I could see the SM staff and customers were staring at them. My curiosity was piqued as usual, so I asked, “Who was that?” Their reply: “Si Bato!”

I had already paid for my purchase by then, so I followed Sen. Bato’s entourage up to the Event Center, hoping for a selfie. But they were walking fast and he wasn’t even acknowledging people.

They then turned to the southern side of the mall, and I decided to stop following them because he was obviously not friendly that day. I then bought kakanin from the Butter & Oven stall nearby, and asked its staff if she saw Sen. Bato. She was like, “Bato? Where?” Me: “He just passed by here!” Tsk tsk.

Missed that chance to get a selfie with a senator who’s now missing in action—as of this writing. Once this is published, perhaps he’s present again for the voting on Vice President Sara Duterte’s impeachment case.

“Now You See Him, Now You Don’t” was a 1972 film about a science student who invented a chemical concoction that made people and things invisible. I wonder if Sen. Bato is being helped by such a student these days. This would definitely help him appear at the Senate for just the few minutes that the voting requires.

Philippine politics has gone down the drain through so much drama, walkouts, disappearances, as if the alleged graft and corruption and the flood control projects weren’t enough. And all along I thought “Wag the Dog” was only a movie, but it’s happening right now in our country—distracting Pinoy attention from the essential to the mundane.

Here’s Urban Dictionary’s—hehe—definition of “wag the dog”: “From the phrase, ‘It’s the tail that wags the dog.’ This can be seen when a dog begins to wag its tail, and its body then follows.”

Here’s another Urban Dictionary definition: “To cause a desired result by means other than the obvious or rational method. Imagine you want a dog to wag its tail. You should make the dog happy, and the tail will wag. If you can’t or won’t make the dog happy, you can get the tail to wag by ‘wagging the dog.’”

I know Urban Dictionary can be complicated but it’s entertaining, which is what Philippine politics has become.