THERE was a time when saturated fat was bad for the body. Even eggs were limited to, hmmm, once a week? That refers to edible eggs, of course, unless your definition of edible is debatable. Now, there’s chika that saturated fat is OK, and that it’s trans fats, sugar, and simple carbs that people should avoid. O my gas. So, what’s next? Their research will prove that exercise is bad for the body and we can all be couch potatoes for the rest of our boring life. Yehey! But how to give up rice. That’s the question. Better switch to brown rice if you can’t imagine your humba, adobo, bulad, lechon, sinugbang tiyan sa baboy and kinilaw without rice. To celebrate this great news on saturated fat, I had bacon for breakfast the morning after. Yum! And the househelp must have read my mind because she added sausages in case the bacon wasn’t enough. How could one who loves to collect piggies end up eating bacon? That’s even a stranger phenomenon than the old single woman. But with Bruce Jenner morphing into Caitlyn Jenner who describes herself as the “new normal,” anything is possible now. Processed food is still bad, though. It can never be good with all the chemicals that keep it “fresh” for months. Same goes for fast food--convenient but bad. Which reminds me of that early morning when I was waiting for friends outside a mall. Tired of standing, I decided to go inside a fast food outlet which opened early for breakfast. I texted a friend on my whereabouts but he didn’t receive my updated text later when I went back to waiting outside. Another friend went inside the outlet and after not finding me, she asked the lady guard at its entrance if she had seen me. The guard asked her, Katong naka-blue, dako ug sampot? Ouch. Ang sakit mo naman magsalita, teh. This is one proof that having breakfast at a fast food outlet can give you mile-wide hips in an instant, that’s why you should have a selfie before entering the fast food place and have another selfie after, that is, if your mile-wide hips can still squeeze out of that narrow entrance. Hehe. Mile-wide hips are also not allowed in spelunking. Those caves have narrow passages that could challenge the claustrophobic hips, even the tour guide will advise you to please return to the air-conditioned tourist van and wait for your spelunking dreams to pass. Good thing I don’t have a sweet tooth, otherwise, it would be painful to say goodbye to sans rival, silvanas, leche flan, chocolates, and brazo de mercedes. “Sweets for my sweet, sugar for my heartache.” Uh. “For my honey”? A recent promotion in an organization has heaped additional responsibilities on my shoulders, like sitting at the sub-presidential table and pretending to not eat like a pig. This is a real challenge for a foodie who’d rather savor each huge bite without minding her table manners. Hmmm. You should watch her eating at home if you want to discover the real woman inside those many layers of fats. But while seated at the sub-presidential table, dainty bites are the norm. Slice that tiny potato into two and have a teeny weeny bite. Oops, use the knife in slicing, not the fork. Don’t gulp down the soda; only silent sips are allowed. The word is dainty, not daunting. Or should the word be diet instead of dainty. No rice, no red meat, no sweets. That’s even more painful than being described as dako ug sampot. Painful daw o. Haha. But I gotta feeling you stopped reading at saturated fat and trans fats. Well, feel free to Google for details. It’s going to be a four-day weekend for Cagayan de Oro. Today is Independence Day and the 15th is the city’s Charter Day. Some Cagayanons are going anywhere but here to avoid the chaotic ambience for at least a few days. But some of us who are choosing to remain here will be going to club inductions where I’ll be sitting at the sub-presidential table again, that is, if there’s one. If only I could lose weight with this dainty eating. Oh well.